Velineyvra: Green nailpolish and a bookshelf on the floor

Also known as: Velineyvra's complaints about current state of family life.

Is it even possible? To never put your work down, and constantly taking on more, even things you're not paid for? Well, obviously it is. When someone you live with work so much that you only see him... I don't know... an hour a day, average, sooner or later, there'll be a point where you can't handle it any more.

As for said family member, he can't handle it, he's getting burnt out, tired, and I have to live with a constant fear that he'll get a heart attack. He. Needs. A. New. Job. Or someone needs to kick the people he works with in the butt, and tell them that there's someone at home who wants to spend time with him, and there are two years before she leaves.

I can't believe I actually belived him when he said he'd work less when he changed jobs. He doesn't. I don't think he works more, but it's certainly not less. Maybe he's not capable of cutting down.

What did you say? We need money? Well, then tell him to stop doing what he isn't paid for. If some of his colleagues suffer, so be it. I want to have him here, and I don't want him dead. But what can I do? I don't think I can convince him, so I'll just be angry. When he skips dinner, when I don't see him the entire day, when neither of us has time to talk with the other.

How does it sound like when he laughs? What would he do, if he didn't work? I'm not entirely sure anymore.

So what's the point with all this? Just to write down some thoughts. Just to, if he ever sees this profile, tell him how I feel about this. Because I don't have the courage to tell it to him myself.

I'm not angry, I'm just really, really sad. I feel so much like a little lost girl right now.

Perfectionism. Always aiming for the best possible. Never really being comfortable with the second best. Always trying to get better. Yeah, I know a lot about this. In most things, especially school-related, I’m not pleased until it’s impossible to do it any better. I might get top grades, but silly mistakes can still bother me.

On the positive side, hopefully it’ll give me results, eventually. But never being pleased unless it’s perfect? That is not a good thing. If it is, then I’m the Queen of England. (I felt this text needed an expression like this.)

And now on to the reason why I started writing this in the first place. I know people who get irritated because I’m thinking this way. It’s almost as if they think there’s something wrong with me, and it’s all my fault. That also applies to all other perfectionists out there. You know what? I can’t do anything about it. It’s a part of me. And all others I have spoken to has said the same. Sure, it bothers me a bit sometimes. But I can’t do anything about it, for God’s sake.

If I’m despairing because I’ll probably lose my grade in maths, sure, I see why this can bother those who are struggling to get an acceptable grade, and not fail. But to me, that means losing something I’m proud of.

And in the middle of all this I’ve started to wonder why some are perfectionists and why some aren’t. Is there some universal rule that says: “You are a perfectionist, because…”? Heh. Somehow I doubt that.

And this has now officially turned into a pile of thoughts on a piece of....screen. The original point I had with this text is probably gone, and it might even be a good thing. Sometimes perfectionism is good. Sometimes it’s bad. But it’s still there. And it’s a characteristic, just like so many other things. The only thing that sets it apart from, say, brown eyes, (in my opinion) is that it affects people much more. Then, why should we consider it anything but a part of someone’s personality? I’ve seen a lot who definitely sees it as something else than that.

Random thoughts written while I should be doing something else. How on earth is it possible to be a perfectionist and procrastinate at the same time?

PS: While writing this, I suddenly realized I’ve made a stupid mistake on today’s English test. This is absolutely not going to end well. ^^'

How many people here speak English, anyway? Sure, the majority speak German because this is a German site, but still... The English forum, for instance... It's not exactly big. 

And the reason for this post is... well, there's no reason at all. I just wanted to complain a bit ;P It's just that it's really irritating not knowing what all the others say.. oh well. 

Of course, I understand that if German (or something else) is your native tongue, then you speak this language. I just wish that the English parts were bigger. 

*sprinkles water on the English site* Grow, little site, grow! 
Let the sunshine in...