Decide it for yourself!
"You refuse to change your mind, Aya-tan... You know, I really do like you and all that stuff. But this is more than a bit crazy. You know, we can't bring him back. He's one of the seven now. He's Zehel, the one wielding your scythe. A big-shot if you prefer to say it like this. Even if he wants to come back, they won't let him; he's your natural enemy." Hyuuga said to me.
I really didn't want to listen to him. My nerves were strained enough, and I had problems to stay as calm as always. If I would be just anybody else, I would probably run around, shouting and destroying things.
But I wasn't someone else; I was Ayanami, and I had a reputaion.
Also, I believe I would be ashamed if I would let my emotions take over. I mean I had many live's worth of experience, so I could be shaken by next to nothing.
And then... this. This whole mess with Eve... no, Teito. Who, actually, genetically speaking, was my nephew. But we never spoke about that fact. To be precise, we never spoke about anything related to that.
For better or worse, we didn't speak about much topics, that we should not have avoided. And when we tried... It ended in a fight. Like with the topic about Frau.
"And just to remind you, Aya-tan, he's with Frau now. Who knows how far their relationship is? Maybe he is happy right now? Don't you think his life was already messed with enough by other people? You included?"
The same could be said about my life, you know? But I rather kept quiet then saying this out aloud. Answering him in my mind really calmed me down a bit. I still had no intention on changing plans.
"I mean, let me sum up; you killed your mom, his grandmother, and dissappeared. He never got to know about his uncle. You helped killing his dad. You killed his uncle Fea Kreuz and absorbed him... He became a combat slave because of you more or less. Then the chief removed his mind blockade. Not for the better, to add up to all. Showing him an alternate time line and... hey, Aya-tan are you even listening to me?"
I'd prefer I wouldn't.
"Just shut up already." I whispered. It was late evening and all of us went to our own rooms. Well, almost all of us. Hyuuga had followed me to my room, where we were sitting and sharing drinks since then.
What was, truth be told, not to my liking. Hyuuga knew very well about his funktion as my conscience. And now, he's making it guilty as hell. And damn, he's really good at that, too.
"So you are listening" he nodded.
Silence followed after his statement. I swallowed the next drink and he kept filling it. He was clearly trying to make me drunkt. Probably because I was easier to handle when drunk. Nothing new to me, but still it felt like a kick into the stomach.
"Hyuuga... tell me, how did you feel when he died."
"That was an order, wasn't it?" he sighted.
"I really don't know why you do this to yourself, Ayanami. You must be some kind of masochist"
Well, I had no evidence to deny this.
"Miserable. We all felt like this. Because we are all bound to you. We all had our fair share of pain and sorrow and grieve from ourselfes. But yours added up to that, even though you dimmed the connection. I know. Thats the reason you will bring him back. But think about this a bit more please. At least, don't drag us along on your suicidal ride"
__________________________________________________________________________________________
My head hurt. It was to bright. Why was it so bright? Wasn't I supposed to lie in my coffin?
Oh right, Frau took me out and...
"How long did I sleep" I whispered as I noticed I wasn't alone in the room. Though I couldn't tell who was with me.
"Long enough to recover, short enough to still have some bags left under your eyes." I heard a slight chuckle. So it was Labrador. I lifted an arm and laid it on my closed eyes. Like this, the sun was bearable.
"Thanks for... you know. Those flowers. A premonition?"
"A feeling. I noticed your feelings of possesion towards Frau-san. I thought it couldn't be bad to do this"
"You saved my day there, Lab... you really did." I sighted.
Slowly I was adjusting to the lights, put away my arm and blinked a few times, before opening my eyes finally. I stared at the ceiling, just trying to put in order all of my thoughts.
That night I went to sleep, the fight, Haruses dead body...
Wait.
Something was wrong.
I flung up into a sitting position, at about the same time Labrador slipped the tea pot and it chrashed down, hundres of shreds of porcelein crumbling all over the floor.
"He's not dead" we said as if we were one.
"Who is not dead?" I heard a all to familiar voice and my head flung up.
"Frau... Bishop Lance..." both blonde guys just entered the room, followed by Castor and Hakuren. But that was not all. Assistens Archbishop Bastien was here with them.
I threw my legs off the bed and quickly stood up. My head was spinning from the fast movement, but ok, this was much more important.
"He's not dead! Haruse is not dead!" I repeated, and everybody looked at me with confusion.
"I'm not insane, belive me! He disappeared before I could land a finishing blow, he is not dead! And do you know what this means? Exactely! Ayanami knows I am here and still breathing!" I exclaimed, a little bit panicked.
Silence followed.
"What's this. I come back from my journey to find this? Why do things always go wrong whenever I'm not around?" Lance sighted, frowning.
"Let's think about this before running up and around, bishop Mikhael" Bastien said. Castor and Hakuren stayed silent.
"To start with, only that he knows you're here doesn't mean he'll start a war to take you back, does it?" he smiled, trying to releave me.
"You have no idea to what he is cappable of" I whispered as I turned pale.
Hakuren walked up to me, taking a hold of my arm and stopping me from running up and down the room. Frau frowned a bit, but I was in no condition to pick on him for that.
"What?" Castor asked.
"I said: you have no idea, not the slightest bit, what he can do, and what he might do" I repeated.
"Finding me here... alive and kicking, as the being I am now" I started, but was interrupted by Lances warning gaze and Castor turned to Bastien.
"Bastien-sama, won't you-"
"Castor!" I said.
"Let him stay! What I'm about to say if essential for the next few days! For the lives of everyone in this church! So take your damn rules and go away for all I care!" I hissed.
Everyone fell silent, the ghosts threw angry gazes at me.
"You're breaking the rules again"
"I don't give a shit about that! Look at me, Lance! I'm breathing without heartbeat! I never wished to be what I am now! I never wished anything of this, so for all I care deprive me of my status, I'd be happy to escape this whole mess. But you can't, so keep quiet!"
Hakuren tried to calm me down a bit.
"Now now, Teito, calm down a bit. He's right in you breaking the rules. It's their job to remind you of the boundaries." he said, the only one in the room totally unaffected by my little outburst.
I stared at him for a minute, then I walked to the bed and sat down on it's side.
"Ok. So, I'm gonna start at the beginning. And guess what? None of you can stop me. Stay or go, I don't care" I said, a bit calmer than before. Hakuren sat down right to me, Frau on my left side.
"I don't really... get whats going on, but it seems important... so I'm going to stay." Bastien said. I nodded.
"Well... he has a point... we can't deprive you of your status... for whatever reason, the chief must think you have to do this."
"Screw the chief and his fucked up way of thinking" I answered Lance and the rest held their breath.
"Don't say this, Mikhael!" Labrador said. He looked a little sad.
"Oh, for god's sake, this may also stop! It's Teito, once and for all! I'm stoping with this maskerade! It's Teito Klein, not Mikhael" I frowned.
"And I can say about my dad what I want to say"
__________________________________________________________________________________________
I think I shocked them to death.
Labrador and Lance stopped moving. I could bet Bastien stopped breathing, Castor and the rest just froze. Maybe we stayed like this for a few seconds, maybe half an hour.
But it was long enough to snort at them. This, it seems, brought them back into the present. Lance coughed suddelny, waking the rest up.
"This... this is not funny! Don't make jokes like this!"
"That was no jooke. Trust me, I may be lacking in my sense of humor, but I defenately would not joke about this fact." I said.
Again, silence fell. Bastien and Castor were the first to understand I really didn't joke.
"So... Teito. You telling us, the chief is you... father" Bastien said.
"Was. Not in this body anymore at least. The one you would probalby believe the most, is Eve. Nice to meet you by the way, stop staring. I wouldn't dare make a joke about this." I said.
"And now, please everyone, think about it. If I am Eve's reincarnation, and Ayanami knows this, what will he do if he finds out where I am?"
Slowly the rest went pale.
"Yes, I believe you finally understand my ittle panick. Oh and just for the record, before I became a seven ghost" I said, and Lance hissed at me again. Bastiens eyes widened.
"So, before becoming what I am now, I was with him. You know, like. I was his Begleiter." I said, then lowering my head a bit.
"I wish it would just have been that" Frau then said, breaking the silence that again had fallen.
"We were lovers. Don't blame us for that. We were both human, both with memories. Blame me for something more reasonable." I sighted.
Nobody said anything to that. Everyone just thought about this situation on his own. Each of us thinking about what was going to come.
"We're in deep trouble" Castor then said. Bastien still didn't dare say a word.
"Yeah. That was what I was trying to say. I bet he's already on his way. In a fucking Ribidzile... with all of the black hawks. We're screwed" I said.
"Don't be like this, teito. You know him, you must know his weakness" Hakuuren said.
"I am like this because I know him. That man doesn't haave a fucking weakness! He's like, goddamn immortal! Even if you destroy his body he will just reincarnate. With all of his memories, and he will repeat the exact same things he did up until now! With the only difference that he has Fea Kreuz's powers! Landkarte and Ea are not here with us. Besides, if I'm halfway right, Landkarte has gone mad, and neither he nor Ea will be of help to us. I can't fight them. I just... can't. I won't be able to if I see him"
"Yeah. I can relate to that" Castor said.
"Assuming you tell the truth, to me it looks like the only weakness he has is... you" he said.
Labrador and the rest nodded.
"I am no weakness. I'm just... yeah... What am I?" I looked up at them.
"What the hell am I supposed to be? What am I supposed to do?"
______________________________________________________________________________
Castors P.O.V.:
He looked desperate. More than desperate. I couldn't find words to descriibe the boy in front of us. Right now he looked so small. Hanging shoulders, watery eyes, filled with tears to the brim. Searching for an answer in everyone of us here.
He looked vulnerable. I never knew that one of us ghosts could look anywhere near that.
But considering what he told us, I could understand. He practically told us his whole life. Eves name was known to all of us church inhabitants. And Teito was also a fammiliar name, as his death was made public- because he had been the prince of Raggs kingdome.
His whole life was a mess.
' What the hell am I supposed to be? What am I supposed to do?'
His questions resonated in my mind.
" You are supposed to be yourself" I finally said.
"You are you. Whoever you want to be. Your life as Eve has finished. Your life as Teito also. Right now, whether as a human or as a ghost, it doesn't matter. You have to decide for yourself."
I sighted and massaged the bridge of my nose. I got a headache now.
"I believe everyone of us here can relate at least a bit with you. Remember, when we died we also left behind our previous lifes. Our loved ones, our family, everything we knew. And no one of us ever wanted to be a ghost" I started.
"So, when we came to, and knew about our existence, we had to decide for ourselfes. Because that's what let's us stay as a human at least. Beeing human means making decisions. Teito... what is your decision?" I looked at him, and he still looked so vulnerable.
"You have to decide. Do you want to take initiative? Do you want to life the way you want? Or do you want to be ignored from here on out? The moment you decide to let others decide about yourself, you throw away the rest of your humanity." I summed up. A spark lit up in his eyes a bit.
"When you became one of us, the very first thing you did was to take on a new name. Why?"
" Because... everyone of the other ghosts did this."
"Exactely. But why?"
"Why? Because... it's a new life? To start anew, right?"
I nodded.
"The next thing you did, was to take Verlorens Scythe. Why?"
"Because" he started, but fell silent. "... Because I wanted at least a fragment of Ayanami at my side. That was the second time I was forcefully seperated from him. I wanted to have a part of him at my side"
"Thats human thinking" I said.
"When you decided to take the bishop exam. Why did you do this?"
"...To become a fully approved ghost. To better mingle with the humans"
"That was the time you started to seperate yourself from the humans. You let others decide for you. You apparently always let others decide for you. This only changed when you encountered Hakuren-kun and Frau-kun" I said.
He looked at his sides.
"I did?" his voice was low.
"Yes. Your did everything people wanted you to. But when you met Hakuren you forced your way through to him until you were friends. Selfishness is a human emotion. When you rescued Frau you eventually laughed again and got angry again. Human emotions. You are not yet dead. And you have to decide for yourself. Are you with us, in fighting against Ayanami? Or are you going back to him?"
