He couldn’t sleep. The sound of the screaming crowd still thundered in his ears. And this time he had seen and felt that they did not only scream for that beautiful young man on the platform next to him. This time the hearts of the people also went out to him, old Chachamaru. He took a deep breath and opened the hotel window. A cold breeze struck his half naked chest and immediately he pulled the dressing gown closer around his body. He pressed his feet into the pink fluffy slippers a little more. He was freezing. Munich was one of those cities that never sleep. Even now, in the middle of the night he could hear cars and see lights.
Maybe it was only because I was never that close to them. I was able to touch them without making an effort. They were so close; I could see every droplet of sweat rolling down their heated faces. I could see the colours of their sparkling eyes and hear their individual voices calling my name.
He shrugged and leaned out of the window. The wind caught his hair and tousled it gently. He sighed as he tried to figure out those new thoughts.
All those young women, so passionate, so full of fire. And yet, it was just a game, a hunt. Their grip was firm, they were strong and yet it was easy for me to stay out of their reach. But my backing off only encouraged them to try harder. I wonder who was in charge of the game. Who was hunting whom?
He grinned as he remembered the desperate attempts of those girls in the first row to touch him or his guitar. And when he granted it to them he had felt an unknown thrill. Those women were different than the one he knew. Physically stronger, unrestrained, wilder and in every way so different from the women at home. In a way, they were more similar to his band mates then to any woman he had met before. Not that he cared much about them anyway. He fairly understood his colleagues’ attraction to them.
“What is it…” he had asked Gackt once. “…that draws you to women?”
His answer had given him a lot to think about:
“Their beauty, their gentleness, their fragility. I feel the need to care for them, protect them. I need their admiration, their willingness to give in to me.”
Chacha had only shaken his head. The other man had realized this tiny gesture and added with a huge grin on his face:
“Well, I think that I can also find all of this in you, my dear friend.” And he poked him in the side gently.
Chacha coughed and the cold air that filled his lungs made him feel dizzy for a moment.
Maybe this is the reason why I cannot get those girls out of my head. In their strength and passion they are so much like the men I adore. The fire in their hearts burns almost as brightly as Gackt himself. And when they looked at me, their mouths half open gasping for air, sweat running over their bodies like water, their breasts bouncing up and down when they jumped, the strength with which they clung to my hand… I felt… aroused.
He chuckled.
Oh yes, Cha, it’s amazing and a little ridiculous to find out about new aspects of your sexuality at the age of 50.
A sudden movement brought him back to the reality of his hotel room. Something had changed down there on that rather big green space that separated the two lanes of the street in front of the hotel. A tiny light, barely visible suddenly shone in the darkness; maybe a candle. Chacha remembered that he had seen some kind of stone statue when they entered the hotel this morning. A statue with lots of colourful pictures attached to it. He wasn’t able to examine it more closely. The daily training routine and the preparations for the show had taken up all his time. He screwed up his eyes and suddenly noticed some movement down there.
Well, his recent thoughts had been disturbing and he wasn’t able to fall asleep anyway. Without thinking about it any further he slipped into his clothes, grabbed a jacket and only a minute later he was on his way to solve to the mystery of the tiny light.
Marina smiled happily as she found a lighter in her rucksack. Gently she opened one of the memorial candles and lit it. Immediately her face and the one of her beloved Michael were illuminated softly. The dancing light on the poster called up the illusion of him smiling at her. She treasured the moment in her heart like a precious diamond. The ground around the statue was still warm from the heat of the day. Marina sat down, pressed her side against the stone and stared into the candle. Her heart was still racing, her ears still ringing, her hands still shaking.
Michael, I cannot believe that I saw him. I cannot believe that he is real. I cannot believe how beautiful he was. I cannot believe that he fell into my arms. Oh, I remember the heat of his skin, the strength with which he struggled to free himself. His eyes, so beautiful, even through the contact lenses you could see the fire burning. So much passion, so much aggression, so much sexual tension I though I would faint. The heat, the squeezing of the crowd, the bruises on my body and again the passion with which we reacted to every move he made. I never felt like this… Oh Michael, I’m so sorry…
Marina felt tears on her cheeks and tried helplessly to avoid the thoughts she was going to think. She had already spent days here at the memorial for her dear Michael Jackson. A memorial that was established by some fans from Munich on a statue right in front of the hotel where he had stayed so very often, where she had seen him when she was barely 13. For years he was her life, her passion, her love and when he died her heart broke into tiny pieces. As the months went by she tried to collect them and piece them together again but every time she found one she cut herself on it. So after a while she had given up. It was so much easier to deny his death then to face it. Nevertheless her world had become dark.
Michael, I’ve know him, Gackt, since eight years already. He was never able to compete with you. Never! During the last years I hardly ever thought of him but of course I had to go when I heard that he would be in Munich. It would have been stupid not to do it. And now…
She shivered as she again remembered what had just happened some hours ago.
Now I feel as if his fire melted my heart together again. And he melted it with a heat and a perfection that left no strains, no cracks. I feel… I feel again. But why do I cry? Why do I think that I betrayed you?
Marina had allowed that Gackt, this strong beautiful and so passionate man healed her heart and doing so he left a part of his own flame inside of it. Now, it was locked and burned fiercely to scare the darkness off. It hurt her. But doesn’t healing always involve pain? The young woman sighed.
I am not a teenager anymore. How can I allow myself to be nothing but a toy of my emotions, a slave to my love for those two men?
Chacha slowly approached the young woman that sat curled up into a ball at the big statue. His eyes had gotten used to the darkness and they ran over all the countless posters, candles and flowers that were attached to it. Of course he knew that man. Who didn’t? And of course he respected him. Which musician wouldn’t? At the same time he felt strangely touched by the tenderness and the love that radiated from the careful arrangement of all those gifts.
How much his fans must miss him. I remember seeing him live in Tokyo, must have been around 1988. Never did I see such passion before or afterwards, such perfection, such genius. Never, until I met Gackt.
The certain connection made him smile and yet he realized another bound between those two men.
You Michael gave it all for your fans. In the end even your life. You my dear G fell off the stage tonight in total exhaustion. Now you are lying in your bed up there - probably not sleeping but just unconscious.
Suddenly Chacha felt the need to light a candle for this magician of music. Slowly and carefully in order not to disturb the young woman he went around the memorial, stared at all the gifts until he found a candle. “Music never dies” was written on it and thus he felt that it was the right one for him. He lit it, put it back next to a bunch of red and white roses and stared into the flame. It was in this moment that he realized that this man had died at the age of 50. Chacha shivered.
Am I that old already?
All of a sudden he felt lonely and his eyes wandered to the windows in the second floor behind which his beautiful young friend recovered from the evening. He needed company, right now. And the only human being available was that woman who lit that first candle. The one that made him come down here.
Marina looked up when suddenly a shadow fell on Michael’s face right in front of her. She turned around, a little alarmed. Who would interrupt her thoughts, her confusion in the middle of the night? Who had approached her? She was alone out here, just a woman. Suddenly she felt weak and vulnerable.
“Are you ok?” It was a dark, husky voice, beautiful in a way.
The young woman pushed herself up. Yes, beautiful but maybe also dangerous.
“I’m fine. I’m fine.” She lied.
Chacha could see her growing fear. But much more then that he saw the tears that had not yet dried on her cheeks. He smiled when a warm, fuzzy feeling entered his heart – there was a connection between them that he couldn’t really explain.
I want to hug her. I want to protect her. I want to hold her in my arms, stroke her head and wipe her tears away. Her sadness makes her so beautiful.
He knelt down on the ground next to her.
“Do you love him?” he asked and pointed to the illuminated poster right in front of them.
Marina was confused. She couldn’t really see very much of the man but when he knelt down and she looked right into Asian eyes she felt a sudden pain in her heart. Asian – just like Gackt. And although this man was a complete stranger she felt a connection building up between them. Gratefulness began to warm her heart as she looked into his smiling face that seemed so eager to take care of her. Why not simply allow it? What could go wrong?
“Yes, I love him, very much. And I miss him, very much.”
Again she felt tears on her cheek. Again she had underestimated the power of the emotions in her heart.
This can’t be real. I am thousands of miles away from home. How can two strangers just meet like this? She looks so fragile and weak, I feel so strong. Is this what G means - this fragility that wakes the protector in him? Oh if only I could…
Carefully he put an arm on her shoulder. He didn’t want to scare her. He didn’t even know her name but… Before he could think any further she had answered to his tender approach and buried her head on his shoulder. She wrapped her arms around him and pressed her body close to his.
He is a stranger. What am I doing?
But she needed the closeness, the reality of another human being next to her. She needed the warmth of another body, the breath of someone else on her skin. She pressed him so close to herself that she could feel his heartbeat.
She is hurting me.
The thought came to him out of nowhere while he tried to keep on breathing under the attack-like embrace of that woman who seemed to be so fragile and weak just moments ago. Weak? He laughed silently. She basically pressed the air out of his lungs. Her strength was almost frightening.
Just like the girls at the show. It’s almost as if they allow themselves to feel to a greater extent, as if their bodies were just translators of a storm of emotions that raged in their souls.
Chacha increased the pressure of his hug and her strength, her resistance, her tears, her fragility, her heart quickly beating close to his made him feel… different. He felt weak himself and yet he liked the idea of protecting and comforting her. Suddenly he felt incredibly manly.
None of them knew how long that embrace lasted. They both just enjoyed the moment and the rush of confusing, new and sometimes even disturbing feelings. Both felt weak in the powerful embrace of the other, yet both found strength in it.
Marina began to shiver. The wind was cold and her body began to take its toll on her. The day was long and the show had consumed almost all her energy. She eased her grip and looked up to the man whose arm still rested around her waist.
“Thank you.” She whispered. “My name is Marina.”
Suddenly Chacha could feel the cold breeze around and the warm ground underneath him again. Yes, he was confused but at the same time he didn’t care at all. Curiously he looked into the tired brown eyes of the girl that now sat so close to him that he could feel her breath on his hand. Was it only the reflection of the candle? He was sure that he saw a fire burning in those eyes.
“You’re welcome” he whispered just as softly. “My name is Chachamaru; Chacha for my friends.”
Marina successfully opposed the impulse to examine him closer immediately. Chachamaru?? She knew only one person with that name but… that is just NOT possible. And yet, hadn’t Gackt himself just demonstrated that nothing is impossible?
If even my heart was healed tonight everything is possible. And why not? Why should this not be Chacha? They must be in some hotel, why not here? This day was full of miracles, of magic already. Why shouldn’t this go on?
She looked up at him. Still the light was not bright enough to decide if he was really the guy she thought he was. But then - Marina grinned and a ringing laughter escaped her throat – then he smiled at her broadly and in this moment she was sure. None smiled like Chacha. It was as if the sun just rose.
I will not destroy the moment and let him know. We are still strangers.
Chacha was amazed. They didn’t need many words. Just the exchange of smiles was enough to establish a connection, to create community. He was so happy that he had gone down to examine the cause of that tiny light. In the same moment he realized something else. Marina was shivering. No, she was shaking from the cold and her eyes looked tired. Again that made them look even more beautifully.
“You are freezing. I have a room in this hotel. Don’t worry; I just want to offer you a warm place.” He bit his tongue right after the last word had escaped his mouth. How could he make such an offer? It was immoral.
Marina’s eyes widened a bit and for a moment she didn’t know what to do. Chacha had attracted her attention all the time during the show. His eyes had found his again and again. They had exchanged smiles and grins. She had touched him for a second. His smile that warmed her heart had been a balance to the mere force that she received from Gackt. She had come to like him…
“Let’s go before I think about it too long.” She answered and slowly got up.
For a moment Chacha stared at her in disbelief. How brave she was to just come with him, a stranger. Although she was strong she was still a woman.
If I really want, she has no chance against me…
Quickly he put that thought off and accompanied her inside the hotel, the elevator and finally his room. He couldn’t take her eyes off her. She was as tall as him, maybe even a little taller. Her hair was even longer than his and a lot thicker. It framed her face beautifully and added to the umbrage of wildness that surrounded her whole body. When she walked she didn’t seem to be just another woman. To him, she was a lady - a young and beautiful lady that obviously trusted him. And although he tried to control his thoughts and direct them away from her he couldn’t help but admire the strength and the grace in her movement and the beautiful curves of her body. Indeed, she was different.
When they entered his room he refrained from switching the light on. He just had to keep the mysteriousness of the atmosphere. He directed her to the sofa that marked the centre of his two-rooms-suite.
“Why don’t you sit down? I’ll get you a blanket and… what about a drink?”
Marina quickly took her shoes off and snuggled into the giant sofa.
“A drink would be wonderful.” She answered although she could barely stay awake. The darkness and sudden warmth made her sleepy. Her eyes followed him as he searched the mini-bar and then she closed them just for a moment.
Cha! Behave! Stop those thoughts! She is your guest! And by the way, since when do you have such feeling for a woman? Since when does your body react like this to a girl?? Come on! This is neither the right place nor the right moment to discover heterosexuality. Stop it! NOW!!
While he tried not to spill too much whiskey in the darkness he clenched his teeth as he remembered her embrace.
But she is so strong, so unrestrained. There is so much darkness in her, so much fire. Why must she be so different?
“Here you are.” He still whispered as he handed her the glass. She didn’t react and with a sigh that was half desperate and half relieved Chacha realized that Marina had fallen asleep. He emptied one glass in one gulp and sank down on the floor with his back leaning against the sofa. Her face was just centimetres away from his. Quickly he emptied the other glass.
What the fuck is going on here?? In the middle of night!! I can barely sleep and they all know that. So why the fuck are they making such a noise out there?
Gackt was seriously pissed when he woke up. He wasn’t sure if he had heard any noise at all but he decided that being pissed suited him so he just had to go for it. He struggled himself free off all the sheets in his bed and realized that he was still fully dressed. When he tried to remember tonight’s show his right side began to hurt immediately. Oh yes, he had fallen off the stage and crushed onto the barrier, therefore the pain. Probably he had fainted again and his crew had just put him into bed. But now he felt all awake and alive again. So what to do with the night?
I need some joking around now. Maybe some tender words from a friend. I should go and wake Cha.
He sneaked out of his room and over to Chacha’s. He knew it would be wiser not to wake any of the others. They would probably scold him for running around in the middle of the night when he should actually rest. Hm, as if he cared…
When he opened Chacha’s door he grinned like a schoolboy at the thought of scaring the older man to death.
“Hey G! What’s up?”
Now it was he who jumped backwards a little and bumped his toe on the half closed door.
“Fuuuuuck!” he hissed. “Dammed Cha, what are you doing there on the floor??”
His foot was throbbing and he hated it. But at least it distracted him from the pain in his side.
“Shhh… I have a guest.” Whispered Chacha and got up. Obviously he had problems with it because it took him more than one attempt. Was he drunk?
“What??” Gackt came closer and was about to grab Chacha’s shoulders and shake him when he saw the woman lying on his sofa. The room was too dark to identify much more but she was obviously sleeping.
“Want one?” Chacha offered him a glass of whiskey.
“Only if you explain me what’s going on here!”
“Yes, yes. Now sit down, drink and shut up.” Chacha’s voice was not as firm as usual and Gackt who was not used to this rather rude choice of words shrugged.
But before he could add anything the older man began to talk.
Chacha spoke about his confusion, the new feelings inside of him, what he felt during the show, his emotions during that firm embrace, the strange reactions of his body and the need, the desperate, urgent need to feel that woman close to him - to feel her strength and her fragility, to make them his.
Gackt’s eyes wandered between his desperate friend and the sleeping body on the sofa. He wasn’t quite sure what Chacha was talking about, yet during the show he had also felt the strength, the aggression, the fire of the girls in the front. He could still feel their hands with which they held him up when he fell. They hurt him and yet they probably saved him. No woman had ever touched him with such a firm grip. If the situation had been different…
“Those Europeans are different.” He shrugged. He felt quite confused and overwhelmed by the memory himself.
“Did you ever have one? I mean…” In the darkness Chacha’s eyes almost glowed with curiosity.
“No… But I always wondered what it would be like.”
Simultaneously, as if drawn by invisible threads they moved their heads and stared at Marina who still slept peacefully.
“No way…” It was Chacha who regained his composure first.
“Why not? She is sleeping. And my dear Cha, when was the last time you touched a woman? I mean really touched her? Felt her?”
Chacha rolled his eyes. He had been in his early twenties. And after all, he couldn’t start abusing that girl now who shared her sadness with him and her closeness. Her arms around his body, her strong and quick heartbeat, her hot breath on his skin… NO!
Gackt could feel the struggle in his friend and knew that he had won the argumentation. He knew Chacha since over 10 years and he had never before spoken like this about a woman. It was about time that he expanded his wealth of experience.
“Look…” he said while he gently stroked some streaks of hair out of Marina’s face. “She is sleeping. Be careful and she won’t wake up.”
The temptation was too great, even for a man like Chacha. Carefully he took her hand into his and began to softly touch first her fingers, then her palm.
“But what if…” he attempted one last protest.
“Shut up, Cha!” Gackt whispered and watched the gentle movements of his friend carefully. His fingers had just reached her shoulder. He hesitated.
What am I doing here?? And why is G pushing me to do it at all? Her sleep is so peaceful. Right now, she looks so innocently. There is nothing left from the strength I felt just a while ago. Just this soft, warm body… She…
He shrank back when Marina suddenly moved in her sleep and now exposed her belly to him. He could see the soft up and down of her breath. Her breasts joined the movement; it was slow, deep and almost hypnotic. Chacha clenched his fist and tried to break away from the spell she cast on him.
“I can’t do that, G. Why do you encourage me anyway?”
Marina murmured something in her dream and Chacha shrank back a little further. What was it that made him do this? To his own astonishment and disbelief he realized that be backed off because he was afraid of her reaction. What would she do if she woke up? Not the mere fact that what he was doing was wrong made him stop but the fear of the consequences. This thought felt most inconvenient.
“Cha, I don’t want you to rape her…” Gackt smirked. “I want you to touch her, feel the beauty, the reality of a female body.” He carefully stroke over her arm. “Here, can you feel the strength in her muscles, the heat of her body? And yet…” He stopped and stared at his friend. Chacha’s eyes shone with amazement and curiosity. He lifted his hand again and cautiously put it on her belly.
Everything about her is so soft. Her skin, her whole body – and yet I can feel her strength, just as G said. In her peaceful sleep she seems to be the centre of the world, at least of my world.
And in a sudden burst of philosophical thoughts he whispered:
“This is where we come from. What would we men be without women?”
“And this is where we go to…” Gackt added with a little dirty grin on his face. He tried hard not to become overwhelmed by amazement himself. Lost in thought he played with her hair.
What we do is not right. And yet, we are not hurting her. Who could deny us such a… a spiritual encounter?
Chaca closed his eyes, blocked his friend out and fully concentrated on her movement and her warmth. Her lungs worked under his hand, just like her abs. Their breaths became one.
And Marina? She woke up when Gackt bumped his foot on the door. Yet she decided not to move. She had recognized his voice in the blink of an eye and wasn’t sure if she could keep her clueless façade if she had to interact with him. She listened while they spoke. Of course she couldn’t understand a word but she could hear the alcohol through Chacha’s voice.
So I was right! Somehow I moved him. Something about me is special to him. Why else would he drink alone in the middle of the night after an exhausting day? I saw it even during the show, this look on his face when he waved to us one last time – as if he was about to cry. He bit his lips, he was overwhelmed. But what was it? The crowd, the cheering? Maybe… maybe it was us, the girls.
Suddenly she felt a warm hand touching her face and hair and then another one covering her hand and stroking its way up to her shoulder. What are they doing?? She could hear the hesitation in Chacha’s voice… and the pushing in Gackt’s. Goosebumps ran over her spine as she tried hard not to move too much. How could they?? Yet, she was not afraid. She wasn’t even angry with them. Their touch was gentle, until now they didn’t hurt her. Above that she was a grown up woman who enjoyed every aspect of her sexuality. What they did felt more like a seduction than a threat. She murmured something, turned to her back and chuckled silently when she felt Chacha backing off. Her breath was deep and slow. She felt comfortable. No, more than that – she was thrilled by the immorality of the assault and yet aroused by its tenderness.
I have the full control. No, more than that. If I “wake up” now they belong to me. They will feel guilty, ashamed and I can use that. They will be mine - both of them. Am I betraying them? No way! They are the ones who started. Although I have to admit that I had hoped for this when I went with Chacha in the first place. Am I acting like a groupie? Well… yes. But as I always like to put it: Besides a free will and a keen mind, God’s greatest gift is sexuality. And I intend to live it!
Marina shivered. Just like the other two she could feel the magic of this moment which was so full of sinfulness and wickedness. Yet she felt that it was time to assume control.
It took her one quick move with which she grabbed Chacha’s hand that was still resting on her belly. He instinctively tried to pull it away but Marina held it with her full force. Both men moved back immediately but only Gackt managed. She heard him cursing.
Chacha’s eyes were wide open, alarmed. He desperately tried to interrupt their physical contact but her grip around his wrist was strong and painful. Guilt and shame swept over him like a flood while he was still fighting all the emotions that had come up during the last minutes. Desperately he searched eye contact with his friend. What should they do?? But Gackt had moved out of his sight, back into the darkness of the room.
Marina grinned. She enjoyed their surprise, their insecurity. She loved to feel the strength with which Chacha struggled to free himself, she loved to be in control. Her voice was husky and hard when she commanded:
“Explain!”
Gackt was the first who searched for an answer:
“We didn’t want to… I mean…”
“Shut up!” Marina hissed at him. She locked eyes with Chacha and again demanded: “Explain!”
“I… I didn’t want to do it… I was just… overwhelmed… I…” He stammered and Marina almost felt some compassion. She decided to help him a little:
“Chacha, don’t explain why you did it. Tell me how it felt.”
He could feel her muscles working under his hand that was still pinned to her belly. Every word she spoke added to their movement.
“I’m sorry, I cannot. Please, I’m sorry… I didn’t want to intrude your privacy…” He couldn’t really understand what she said or wanted. He was just drowning in guilt and bad conscience. The young woman was almost amused by his despair and shame. Yet she also felt how much she tortured him and decided to establish more closeness, more understanding again. Being in charge was certainly a wonderful feeling. She eased her grip a little and put her other hand gently on top of his.
“It’s ok, Chacha. Just tell me what you felt when you touched me.”
Gackt couldn’t really believe his ears. The first shock after that woman suddenly woke up began to cease as he listened to her words. He was a grown up, experienced, strong man and he realized what she was doing with his friend. She played with him. He could hear it in the half suppressed chuckles that came from the sofa. She enjoyed his suffering. It was just like his friend said, she was not a usual woman and everything unusual teased him all too much.
When Chacha felt the comforting touch of Marina’s hand he calmed down a little. Still he wasn’t able to interrupt their contact but he began to almost enjoy it again.
She is not angry? How can she be not angry? How can she not run out of the room and… what?? Call the police?! How can she be so gentle although we invaded her privacy that much? I feel so bad. What? She wants to know what I felt? I cannot tell her! She is still a stranger, or isn’t she? But… do I not owe her a straight answer? Isn’t that the least I can do now?
He took a deep breath, stared to the ground and began to speak:
“Down there I just needed the company of another human being. I didn’t know what you would do to me…” His voice faded.
“What did I do to you, Chacha? Tell me, please.” Marina lowered her voice. Now, she sounded as if she spoke to a child that did something wrong.
“I felt a connection down there. I was… drawn to you. I… I’m not used to this.” Again he paused and stared at some point on the floor.
In this moment Marina understood. So it was true, Chacha was usually not attracted by women but something about her changed that. She felt proud.
“Go on…” she encouraged him and pressed his hand a little.
“Your body is so… different from the female bodies I know. It is stronger, almost male. And yet, it is soft and smooth. I was curious, I never before touched… I mean… I felt a strange connection, as if my male and your female body…” He stopped.
“…as if they belonged together?” Marina chuckled. The mysteries of heterosexuality…
Chacha dared to look up and his eyes found hers. He felt as if he was dragged into their depth. “Yes… as if we were two parts of one totality.”
Marina sat up quickly, leaned forward and kissed the man who was still kneeling in front of her on the forehead.
“I’m glad you found out… And now, maybe you should introduce me to your friend.”
“Gackto.” His voice rudely interrupted the bond between her and Chacha. Gackt had gotten up and now approached Marina. With a hardly hidden shy smile she took his outstretched hand. His grip was firm; no it was more than that.
“Nice to meet you. I’m Marina.” She pressed the words out while she tried to hide the pain he caused her. It was almost as if he wanted to prove her who really was the strongest here, who really was in charge.
“I hope you enjoyed your little adventure as much as Chacha did…” She felt the need to embarrass him. Just a little, just enough so that he wasn’t too sure about his position in this game. But Gackt felt strong, he had found his fire again.
“I have…” he smirked. “Besides, I never tasted European blood.” The vampire vocabulary quickened her heartbeat immediately.
“And I doubt you will…” she added with an icy undertone. She still thought that she could keep the control although only looking at him was enough to transform her into a shivering bunch of lustfulness. Some hours ago during the show she was about to drag him off the stage when he shouted: “Show me how much you want to fuck me.” But not now, not now.
Chacha was still sitting at her feet, obviously fighting with his conscience, lost in his thoughts.
“Hey Chacha…” her voice was gentle and warm, just like the feeling in her heart. He looked beautiful and in a way heart-rendingly fragile. He looked at her from behind a curtain of tousled brownish hair. “I wonder what would have happened if I hadn’t interrupted you…”
“I don’t know…” He whispered. Somehow he felt small as he sat leaned against her lower legs but at the same time he enjoyed her closeness. In a way he didn’t feel very different from when he was with a man. He was always in a weaker, more submissive position. And now… Was that an offer??
Marina felt his hesitation and confusion. But she had a plan and intended to carry it out. She got up and walked slowly across the room towards the bedroom door.
“Why don’t you show me?” She gazed at Chacha. From the corner of her eye she saw Gackt gasping before he regained composure again. Obviously she had him already.
Chacha darted a glance at his friend.
May I? But this is… What is she doing?? Unbuttoning her blouse? I can’t believe it. G stop grinning!! Wow… those curves. Why do I always worry? Why do I always care? She wants it,
I want it… so what?!
Gackt was riveted by her little striptease. The last time he saw European curves had been in some porn movie. And although he could hardly prevent himself from following her like a puppy he wondered how his friend would handle the situation. He could barely imagine Chacha in the arms of a woman, yet it promised to be interesting. Gackt got up and followed Marina into the bedroom. Luckily the bed was huge and so he sat down at its foot. He couldn’t take his eyes of her and Marina also followed his movements carefully. She knew very well that she had to keep an eye on him. He wanted her. It was obvious.
When she opened her arms and welcomed him into them Chacha couldn’t resist anymore. He felt the last bits of restraint fading away and wrapped his arms around her waist. Almost automatically his lips found hers. How soft they were… and how passionate her kiss.
Oh Cha! Come on! Remember! You were in situations like this before!
But somehow he felt helpless and overwhelmed. All he could do was holding her, kissing her, enjoying the heat of her skin. Her kiss was demanding and suddenly he felt slightly overcharged. Again he felt embarrassment taking control over him.
Marina realized quickly that he was not comfortable in the position of the seducer, although she was the one who had brought them this far. She shoved him a little and he fell on the bed. She giggled and grinned at him. Somehow relieved he grinned back but his eyes became wide when she was suddenly over him.
Gackt crossed his legs. He was aroused and he didn’t want Chacha or Marina to see it. He put his hands under his thighs so that they wouldn’t wander to places where they were not wanted now. Nevertheless he watched. Chacha’s eyes were closed, his head bend back. Marina softly kissed his lips, his neck. He twitched. Had she just bitten him? It was not only her beauty but also his that fascinated Gackt. He had never seen his friend at the mercy of someone else although he knew the soft moaning and the quickening breath all too well. Her hands found their way under his shirt without her lips separating from his neck. She was experienced… In one move she pulled his shirt over his head and for a moment Gackt was struck by the vulnerability that suddenly radiated from his friend.
Chacha was captured in one twirling vortex of emotions and sensations. Her lips were soft but her grip was firm. Somewhere in a small corner of his mind he was aware of the fact that Gackt was sitting right next them, watching. But did he care? No, no… all he wanted was the touch of this woman. He could feel her hands running over his upper body, resting on his belly. His heart raced. He opened his eyes just in time to look into hers. She was just about to kiss him again, he could feel her grip at the back of his head.
“How does it feel?” She loved to tease him. Of course she knew how it felt…
He murmured some words in Japanese and Marina grinned broadly. She lowered her head again and kissing his chest and belly she found his waistband.
Obviously he is more heterosexual than I thought he would be…
Even through the trousers she could feel how hard he was. It must be painful in those trousers… She unbuttoned them slowly and quickly looked at Gackt whose eyes were wide open as he stared at her. She winked at him and pulled Chacha’s trousers down. Marina was a little surprised not to find any shorts but then… who cared? And to her surprise he was circumcised.
Her hands stroked over his hip bones, her long hair tickled him. She decided to tease him a little longer and covered his lower belly and hips with soft kisses carefully avoiding the area where he wanted her touch the most.
So this is what a woman does? Why doesn’t she start? Doesn’t she know… No, Cha you idiot! She doesn’t know. Ah… no man would let me wait like this. They would all have mercy. Mercy…
“Mercy…” The word escaped him with a sigh before he could stop himself. She grinned, she enjoyed it! But nevertheless Marina knew that it was about time and finally she gave him what he wanted. She grabbed his hardness and lowered her head over it. He arched his back, desperately trying to control the movement of his hips. His hands reached up to her head and although he didn’t want to he grabbed it and pushed it down just a little. Yes, she knew what she was doing. How could she? She just couldn’t know how it felt.
Her mouth was hot and wet; faint, muffled groans. She wondered how any woman could not enjoy pleasuring a man like this. Never in all the millions of sexual varieties could she have more control over what he felt, never was a man more helpless and vulnerable than in this position.
Marina intensified her movement. He tasted good and she could feel some droplets of pre-cum on her tongue. She swallowed it gratefully and added a twist to the ongoing up and down of her hand. His grip at her neck got even firmer and she had to push up hard in order not to gag. Here we are, Chacha. This is what a woman can do. Do you feel like man? She knew very well that the little twist she just added made men crazy – and if it worked with Europeans, why shouldn’t it work with Japanese?
Chacha muscles began to twitch, he was close. Yet, he didn’t want it to end like this. He felt something great and dangerous rising inside of him. He wanted her, now. All of a sudden he released her, grabbed her waist and switched position with her. Now he was lying on top of her, his hot panting stroking over her face. Marina was startled but only for a moment. His hands tore on her remaining clothes. He was strong, so strong. He hurt her when he forced her trousers down her legs. But this was what she wanted. Now, he felt comfortable with taking over control, now he showed that dominant sexuality she had wanted from him.
“Oh Chacha…” she gasped when he sank his teeth into her side. His hands seemed to be everywhere, she felt his lips on her face, her breasts,… As far as she could she put up resistance. She knew by now that it was also her strength that had aroused him that much.
From the corner of her eye she realized that Gackt was still sitting next to them, not even two meters away. But still he controlled himself although she could also hear him moaning a little.
It took Chacha less then a minute until Marina lay under him completely naked. Her legs opened willingly and with a growl that was so unusual for him he almost forced himself into her. Oh… the wet warmth, the contractions of her inner muscles, how could he forget how wonderful that felt? Her arms held him close to her upper body; her legs wrapped around his and pushed him deeper into her. Their movements were passionate and quickened constantly. It was like a clash of sheer sexual force. Chacha tried to slow down, he wanted to preserve the moment, make it last forever but whenever he tried to do so her hips took control and forced their speed onto him. He wouldn’t be able to hang on much longer.
“Slow, slow!” he gasped but Marina was not willing to grant him this wish. She was so drugged up with lust, half of it being still the after-effects of the concert. Her grip in his hair became firmer, her legs stiffened, it had been a while… and now she was close, so close… She pulled him closer to her, deeper and deeper into her. She wanted to feel him as close and as much as she possibly could.
He growled as he thrust into her one last time. Only moments later an orgasm shook him and blew the last bits of reason out of his mind. He clenched his teeth, forced his fingernails into her skin, buried his head on her shoulder. It felt as if she pulled him even closer to herself, closer and closer, as if they really became one.
When his tensed body suddenly relaxed Marina was happy. No, she did not come herself but she hadn’t wanted to anyway. Gently she wrapped her arms around him, hugged him and kissed his face. His eyes were closed, he was breathing heavily, his body lay on top of hers heavy and limp. Carefully she stroked his back. He was sweating just like she was. She could feel shivers running through his body. Ah yes, the “aftershocks” as she called them. She tousled his hair gently and gave him as much tenderness and affection as she could.
Suddenly Gackt appeared right next to her. A warm smile lay on his face when he looked at her for a moment and then ran his fingers through Chacha’s hair as well. Marina felt comfortable in his presence. The younger man brought his mouth very close to her ear and whispered:
“This is only the beginning…”
The young woman smiled happily although she wasn’t really sure if all this was real – or just another erotic dream.
“The beginning??” It was Chacha who still gasping for air now lifted his head and looked at them. “I’m an old man, G. You tell me that almost every day.”
Gackt and Marina giggled and Chacha slowly rolled off her body. His moves were a little clumsy.
“Haha! Grandpa Chacha…” It was Gackt who teased his friend.
Marina grabbed the blanket on the bed, wrapped herself into it and got up. Her legs and her back hurt and all she needed and wanted now was a hot shower.
“Excuse me, Grandpas…” she smirked and Gackt’s eyes became wide with disbelief. “I’ll leave you for a moment and take a shower.” She knew it would be wise to offer Chacha a break and she just loved the thought of denying Gackt what he wanted just a little longer.
“Grandpas?” Gackt couldn’t believe his ears. None had ever dared to call him Grandpa. Marina couldn’t resist. His surprised expression made him look cute, plain and simple.
“Gackto, would you prefer Grandma?”
She stumbled and almost fell when suddenly a pillow hit her with all the force of a pissed Gackt. She winked at him, turned around and went into the small bathroom. Only moments later hot water pattered on her skin. She loved it.
“G… What have I just done?” Chacha wrapped a blanket around his hips. His heated body began to shiver a little. It was true. He wasn’t 20 anymore.
“Well, I could explain…” Gackt smirked. This gained him a playful poke into his hurting side. He twitched.
“Idiot! I mean…”
“I know what you mean. Why don’t you just enjoy it? Enjoy the moment and stop thinking about the rest. Besides…”
Chacha turned his head and what he saw made him grin. There was this fire in Gackt’s eyes - the fire that usually spoke to him of sexual pleasures. But at this moment he had the strange feeling that it was not burning for him.
“Cha, why don’t you just take a rest or get us something to eat or whatever? I have… something to do.”
Before the guitarist could even answer, Gackt had gotten up and slowly moved towards the bathroom door. He reminded Chacha of a feline predator creeping up on its prey.
Marina hummed a little song that just came to her mind while the water was still running over her body. She felt… perfectly. She couldn’t put it any better. The heat and pressure of the water massaged her hurting back. Her eyes were closed and for a moment she was afraid of opening them again. What if she would wake up and find herself at home, in her own bed? Her thoughts were interrupted when she suddenly felt a strong arm around her waist. She jerked and almost instinctively tried to squirm free of this grasp. When she looked down she saw tensed muscles, struggling to hold her in place. Was she afraid? Not really. She could easily guess who it was and yet… she knew that all the control she had only minutes ago was suddenly gone. It excited and troubled her at the same time. She fought, she wanted to turn around, look into his face but he wouldn’t allow it. Her fingernails pressed into his flesh but he didn’t seem to care. Suddenly she heard a voice close to her ear:
“How could you believe that I would just let you go?”
If possible Gackt’s voice was even deeper than usually. His body was pressed close to hers, she could feel his arousal through his trousers. With one quick move he turned her around. Wet streaks of hair stuck to his face, his black shirt was almost glued to his chest, his jeans made strange squeaking noises when the wet fabric rubbed against itself. He didn’t look at her face.
He shoved her against the tiles of the shower stall and pinned her hands to the wall over her head. He was strong enough to hold her with one hand. Still she couldn’t make eye contact and his strength began to worry her a little. The only thing she could feel was his hand between her thighs – carefully fumbling – so different from the painful grip around her wrists. His head lay on her shoulder, she felt his warm breath on her wet skin. She felt as if her knees would give in. His mere presence drove her out of her mind.
“Look at me…” she begged. She began to feel a little shabby, used.
But in this moment he forced his knee between her thighs and doing this he opened her legs. The rest of her sentence was drown in a devoted moan. His searching fingers had more space now. She felt them at her most intimate spot and then, inside of her. She was thrilled and buried her head at his neck. Somehow she was also ashamed. He had total control over her. It seemed as if there was nothing else in this world but him. Her heart thundered against his chest when she now pressed her body closer to his. Even through his shirt he could feel his. How quickly he beat. As if their two hearts wanted to find one another. The water still pattered on her body, she gasped.
He let go of her hands, lifted his head and looked at her. For the first time really looked at her.
“Will you let me fuck you now?” His voice was harsh, so male she could hardly bear it. Her pride forbade her a devoted nod thus she just let her hands wander over his belly. Quickly she got his wet shirt off his body and what she saw almost made her faint. Yes, she had seen his beauty only hours ago. She had felt the strength of his muscles but now as the water dripped off him and steam billowed around them she couldn’t help but shed a tear for the perfection and the sheer power that radiated from his body.
His fingers almost drove her crazy, she was barely able to move at all but somehow she managed to open his trousers and drag them down. He was rock-hard. Of course, all the while during her “encounter” with Chacha he had watched… and waited. His muscles twitched as she grabbed it. She tried to look into his eyes, really tried it but again and again a new wave of lust raced through her body and her eyelids flickered. Gackt’s mouth was open, he gasped for air as if he was about to drown.
Finally she linked one leg behind his knee and only moments later she felt how he brutally entered her. She gasped and closed her eyes. For a moment he hurt her and she wasn’t sure if she could bear his force, his ruthlessness, his aggression, his dominance. No, there was nothing tender or beautiful about that. It was just sex.
His thrusts were hard and demanding, she almost didn’t know what gained the upper hand: the pain or the pleasure. She held him, clung to him and bit him in the shoulder in order not to scream. She could hear him muttering, the words had to fight their way out of his mouth:
“Oh girl… I missed…this.”
Those words were too much for Marina. Her body stiffened and she carried Gackt off into a gigantic orgasm.
They remained close to each other, held each other for quite some time and tried to control the shaking of their bodies. The young woman was about to cry. She felt so good, this night was such a present. She didn’t know why she deserved it. Exhaustion took over and Marina’s legs could hardly carry her weight. Powerless she fell into his arms. Gackt sat her down on the floor, finally turned off the water and grabbed a towel. First he towelled himself and then her. She allowed it. Now, his touch was gentle and she enjoyed being taken care of. He wrapped her into the bed sheet again and lifted her up easily, her head rested on his chest. Almost without an effort he carried her back into the bedroom.
Chacha welcomed them with a huge smile on his face. He was wearing his trousers again. The room was illuminated by a small light that he had put behind the curtain. It was warm, the whole atmosphere spoke of cosiness and snugness. Gackt put her down on the bed, wrapped another sheet around his hips and grinned back at Chacha. The older man made an inviting gesture and drew their attention to a small desk with loads of food on it. Next to it, Marina saw three glasses obviously filled with red wine.
“Chacha, you’re a genius!” It was her who now broadly grinned at him and Gackt nodded approvingly. The two men joined her on the bed and they all raised their glasses to another.
“How do you say ‘cheers’ in German?” Gackt asked.
“Oh… it’s ‘prost’.” Only a moment later Marina almost spilled her drink when she heard how hard the two men tried to pronounce that word. There was this feeling in her heart, all fuzzy and warm. She felt comfortable in their presence, luckily even now. Of course it could have gone wrong but at the moment the three of them were nothing but friends fooling around.
