As a soldier I ask myself:
Is suicide just suicide or am I saving lives?
Am I a sinner or a saint if I pull the trigger, -
pointed at my head?!
I am a murderer and I will go to hell…
So, does it matter?
Does it matter at all?
If I kill myself I will kill the son of my mother.
But maybe, just maybe…
I will be a saint, I will be a savior, a hero,
The one I wanted to be when I signed up.
But all this does not matter, because fact is:
I can not live with the blood on my hands.
With the guts from my friends sprinkled on my body.
So it does not matter if my brain is all over the wall.
The different shades of red will keep anyone from noticing it.
And it is good that way.
So, does it matter?
Does it matter at all?
At least it matters to me, because this is not who I wanted to be.
And I will pull the trigger a last time, with the gun, -
pointed at my head.
