Chapter 20
Please turn on your Mediaplayer/iTunes etc. and listen to 'Ai nante' by our lovely NEWS
~+~
The concert had a special feeling. Everybody sensed it. NEWS and the staff did their best to create a final show which would make the audience satisfied and happy. But deep inside Ryo, Yamapi, Massu, Shige and Koyama were worried. Koyama had explained his plan to the others and also what it would mean for NEWS if that plan would fail. Especially Massu was shocked by the long odds that were at stake. And Shige wasn’t sure about the tiny role he played in that plan. But they all got the need of success.
They would start after the MC. Everybody had talked as if would be for the sake of their life, even Yamapi and Ryo who usually didn’t speak up that much during the MC-part participated as well as they could. Just Tegoshi stayed as far as possible silent, smiling when the cameras has a close-up on him and laughing into the microphone every now and then. He was tired of faking his smile. He didn’t even know how to smile honestly anymore, yet faking it felt much better than putting on the sad face everybody would worry about. Before he really realized it the MC was already over and he hadn’t lost a word. Shit, he scolded himself. You have to focus!!
He knew the next song would be ‘Ai nante’ and he tried to erase yesterday evening out off his memory. He felt unsure and he would have given everything to be able to drop out of the performance, but he’d promised himself to not ever be cowardly again. This would be his last show anyway. 12 songs and the Encore. This wasn’t to much, was it?
He took a deep breath, when the intro began. The audience screamed when they noticed the song and the lights turned off. The whole Tokyo Dome was dark, just a few flashlights lit the hall. Tegoshi exactly knew where Shige and Ryo stood and he concentrated on his text, when suddenly a spotlights shone on him. He whirled around, supposed to sing the first keys, but he was surprised and the microphone was out anyway.
“Dore dake aruite kitan darou?
Furimuitara namida no ato”
Tegoshi felt like his heart would stop to beat as Ryo’s husky, gentle voice echoed through the dome with just the piano in the background. He was unable to form a clear thought. His mind went completely blank.
“Kizu tsuke kizu tsuki tadoritsuita basho
Ima koko ni kimi ga iru”
Ryo stepped out of the darkness and into the spotlight which shone on Tegoshi, a heartbreakingly expression on his face.
“Ai nante kimi dake sa itsudemo motome sugite
Ai nante kimi nashi ja imi nai yo ikirarenai“
The music busted out and Ryo came further. Tegoshi could see the tears in his eyes. He couldn’t move and finally Ryo was near enough to grab his hand, out of the camera-view. Tegoshi slightly grabbed Ryo’s fingers back, glad to be able to hold onto something. He feared to lose his balance, his knees were wobbly and he felt dizzy. Totally overwhelmed by the situation he hardly forgot to breath. He felt that Ryo’s hand was trembling in his own one, he could see that Ryo’s whole body was shivering.
“Asa no hizashi ni kimi no negao to
Tereta egao de ureshiku nareru kara
Sonna hibi wo kanjitai yo eien ni”
Ryo’s sung words echoed in Tegoshi’s head and he felt tears rising up inside him. He knew what would come next. The big showdown of the song. He bit his lip. Ryo squeezed his hand desperately when he took a deep breath.
“Ai nante“
Ryo’s husky voice screeched. And then broke off. Ryo held the back of his hand with which he held the microphone up to cover his mouth. He couldn’t bear looking at Tegoshi. A scream went through the audience, and before Tegoshi realized what he exactly was doing he held up the microphone in his hand and sung:
“kimi dake sa itsudemo motome sugite
Ai nante kimi nashi ja imi nai yo ikirarenai
Ai shitemo ai shikirenai
Mirai nante kimi nashi ja mienai yo iranai yo”
Tegoshi’s voice clearly finished the last line of the song, the music trailed off and when the spotlight turned out Tegoshi let down the microphone. It was meaningless that there were over 50.000 people around them. It was meaningless that there were right in the middle of a concert. Everything what matted was the fact that Tegoshi finally knew were he belonged.
And as he stepped further through the darkness he heard Ryo’s hoarse sobs. He felt that he was about to cry, but they also had to leave the stage. The next song was a KoyamaPi-Collaboration. So he dragged Ryo with him down the stairs to the dressers of the Juniors which stand under the stage everywhere and into a dark corner. Ryo was crying like a baby and he hid his eyes with his hands. His shoulders were shaking and he snuffled.
“Ryo-chan…” Tegoshi whispered with wet eyes and he was not sure whether he should smile or break into tears. Gently he took Ryo’s and pulled them off his face. Ryo sobbed even harder when he got a glimpse of Tegoshi and quickly he lowered his head.
“Oh, Ryo-chan…” Tegoshi claimed and a single tear rolled down his cheek. “Actually I should be the one crying.”, he said quietly and Ryo made a snoring sound. “Gomen ne, Yu-chan. But…But I simply can’t stop.”
Tegoshi bristled a smile. “Baka.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“Stop apologizing.”
“What should I do then? I did horrible things to you. What am I supposed to do if not apologizing? I have no-“
“Fuck, stop babbling shit and finally kiss me!” Tegoshi cut him off and immediately he felt Ryo’s soft lips and his own ones. He sighed satisfied, pressed his body against Ryo’s, the warmth he had missed so much, and clung with his fingers to his back. After a while Ryo drove back. “Yu-chan…can you forgive me? I am really so-“
But Tegoshi already pulled Ryo back into a kiss.
“You did the right thing, Pi.”
”Think so?”
“Just think? You told me you were sure.”
“I will never be sure as long as he’s not with me.”
“You already miss him…” It wasn’t a question. Koyama saw it in Yamapi’s eyes that were not be able to hide what his face hid so hard.
“I will always miss him. It hurts. It hurts so much.” Yamapi’s hand rested on his chest. “I’ve nevery once before felt such a pain…Kei-chan?”
“Mh?”
“Will it every go away again?” Yamapi’s sudden lost look was like a knife in Koyama’s heart. “I don’t know, Pi…I really don’t know.”
Yamapi nodded. “It’s better this way.”
And both of them looked at Tegoshi and Ryo who kissed and dried each other’s tears and laid in each other’s arms and fit perfectly together in their embrace.
Ryo hugged him from the back and Tegoshi could feel his hear beating against his shoulder blades.
“Ne, Yu-chan-“
“Ssh…Stay quiet for a while please.”
Ryo did as Tegoshi told him, though he couldn’t understand why. Then Tegoshi took Ryo’s hand, which had clung onto the little ones tummy and placed it at his chest.
“Do you feel it?” Tegoshi whispered still holding Ryo’s warm hand.
“Mmh…” Ryo made in complete satisfaction, closed his eyes and buried his face into Tegoshi’s soft hair, inhaling this Sweet scent of him he so loved.
They stayed in complete silence, both feeling each other’s heartbeat, the most beautiful, utterly charming thing they had every felt. They didn’t need to say a thing, they didn’t need to tell ‘I love you’. Both of them knew it as they slowly fell asleep in such a inner calm they never once have felt before.
the end.
