Even Uther knows   von Wolkenfee
                                (Arthur/Merlin)
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                                  Kapitel 1: 
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Arthur really had no explanation for this. He had just seen Gwen kiss Lancelot
and it didn’t bother him at all. Well, in fact there was an explanation, but
Arthur refused to think about it, because if he had, he would have thought about
wonderful blue eyes, beautiful cheekbones and those absolutely kissable-looking
lips. So of course, he absolutely did not think about that.
“You’re staring!” Morgana interrupted his thoughts cheerfully and Arthur
frowned. “I’m not!”
“Oh come on! You can admit it! Just tell him! I mean, everyone can see how
besotted the boy is with you!” she chimed and Arthur could only gape at her
for a moment before he replied rather unintelligently: “I’m not... he’s
not... What?”
Morgana only smiled and the prince sighed. “Even if he would return my
feelings...” And really, was he just talking about his feelings? With Morgana?
At a banquet? “...there’s no way Utus would ever approve.” It was their
private joke to call his father that ever since they had been little and Morgana
grinned, because he hadn’t used the name in quite a while.
“Well, he doesn’t have to know, does he?” she replied sweetly and wandered
off to talk to some knight and Arthur felt the urgent need to bang his head
against the wall repeatedly.
Of course, Merlin chose this very moment to come over to him. “Are you all
right, Sire?”
“Yes, Merlin, I’m fine. Splendid.” There was only one way to explain his
mood to Merlin, because it was out of the question to ever tell him what this
was really about. “I’ve seen Gwen kiss Lancelot.”
Merlin’s face fell and he patted Arthur’s shoulder sympathetically and
rather awkwardly. “Oh Arthur, I’m sorry!” he whispered and the prince
groaned. Of course, he was sorry. It really was his own fault that Merlin was
trying to comfort him now, because he himself didn’t even know for certain
what kind of reaction he had hoped for. “I’m just going to get drunk or
something!” 
About an hour later, he was blissfully wasted and stumbling across the corridor
to his chambers with an arm around Merlin’s shoulders.
“Y’know, Merlin, your eyes really are beautiful” he drawled and
unfortunately, Merlin didn’t react in a way he would have liked. In fact, he
didn’t really react at all. “You’re drunk, Sire. You really need to go to
bed and sleep this off.”
“Bed.” Arthur smiled. “Good idea. Will you join me?” Of course, he would
never have said such things sober, but obviously, he wasn’t and Merlin was so
near and the alcohol gave him courage and really, it was the opportunity! So he
just stopped thinking about anything and shoved Merlin against a wall and
pressed his lips to his. For about a second, Arthur felt like he was in heaven,
but then Merlin shoved him off and looked at him with an expression of utter
shock, before he ran off.

The next morning, Arthur didn’t remember how he had gotten into his bed. What
he did remember was seeing Gwen kiss Lancelot, getting drunk and kissing Merlin.
Oh God! Arthur sat up straight in his bed and even his terrible headache
wasn’t very important right now. He had kissed Merlin! And Merlin hadn’t
liked it. Which he could have anticipated if he hadn’t been completely
wasted.
So when his manservant arrived with his breakfast, he was fully dressed, but
before Merlin could express his surprise, Arthur had already started: “Merlin,
I’m sorry! I was drunk and I...”
“It’s okay” Merlin interrupted, eyes downcast. “I understand. You were
upset about Gwen and I was there and like you said, you were drunk. There’s no
need to apologize!”
“Yes, there is!” Arthur insisted and had he not been completely occupied
with his own feelings, he would have noticed that Merlin refused to look at him
and seemed to be rather uncomfortable overall. “Despite everything I say...”
Arthur sighed. “... you are my friend. I should never have done such a thing,
drunk or not. Therefore, I apologize.”
Merlin smiled weakly. “It’s okay, really. Let’s just forget it.”
Arthur nodded and tried not to feel completely heartbroken. Even if Merlin wrote
it off as some drunk-being-upset-whatever-thing, how could he ever forget the
feeling of Merlin against him, even if it had been for mere seconds?
So when later that day Morgana entered his chamber, he had been staring at a
document he was supposed to read without having the slightest clue what it might
be about.
“Arthur, how are you?” Morgana was smiling very brightly and Arthur sighed.
“Do you want anything specific, or did you just come here to get on my
nerves?”
Morgana’s face grew more serious and she looked at him inquiringly. “Well, I
thought...”
“Yeah, you thought wrong.” He sighed again and because she was his sister
– somehow at least – and he eventually told her everything, he went on: “I
took your advice. Well, not really. But I kissed him.”
“Oh? Then why are you not happy?” Morgana didn’t seem to understand and
Arthur shook his head. “It wasn’t well received.”
“It wasn’t? But I was so sure... Oh Arthur, I’m sorry!” She came over to
him and hugged him fiercely and he hugged her back, which he allowed himself
very rarely and which made Morgana grasp the seriousness of the situation even
more. “Are you going to do anything?” she asked gently and the prince shook
his head. “I apologized and he told me to forget it.” He laughed
humourlessly. “As if I ever could.”

In the next weeks, Arthur noticed changes in Merlin’s behaviour. It weren’t
big changes, but for him, they were significant. For example, Merlin stopped
touching him almost altogether, which was quite remarkable given the fact that
he was the one to dress him. He was quiet and rarely ever offered his opinion on
anything. He just did his duties and vanished. In fact, he behaved like any good
servant should have. And Arthur could hardly believe it himself, but he honestly
didn’t want a good servant, he wanted Merlin.
One day, he just couldn’t stand the quiet anymore. “Merlin, what’s
bothering you?”
“Nothing, Sire, I’m fine!” Merlin smiled, but it wasn’t his brilliant
smile Arthur had gotten so used to, it was dull and somehow wrong.
“Clearly, you’re not. I haven’t heard your ramblings or opinions or
anything from you lately. You’re perfectly on time, you perform your duties
and that’s it!” This wasn’t what he had meant to say, but it was the truth
nonetheless.
“But that’s what you want, isn’t it? A good servant?” Merlin asked
carefully and Arthur shook his head vehemently. “No. I want you.”
Merlin’s face went white at that and he started at Arthur wide-eyed and the
prince realised how his words could be interpreted.
“You want Gwen” Merlin replied after a while and Arthur sighed. “I don’t
want Gwen” he answered lowly, almost to himself, then looked at Merlin again.
“However, is this about the kiss? You said we should forget it!” It pained
him to say this, but really, he would have said or done anything if it meant
getting Merlin back like he had been.
“But I can’t! God, Arthur, I really can’t!” Merlin burst out suddenly
and the prince was shocked to see tears filling his eyes. He hadn’t realized
that his thoughtless actions had shaken his manservant so completely. Horrified,
he tried to say anything to make amends. “Merlin, I’m so sorry, I didn’t
mean to...”
“I know you didn’t! That’s just it! God, I... I’ve been wishing for it
for so long, and then you suddenly kiss me, because you’re drunk, and don’t
mean anything by it and I... God, Arthur, I’m sorry!” He was sobbing in
earnest now, and it hurt Arthur nearly physically to see him like that, while he
was desperately trying to make sense of what he had said. Slowly, he walked over
to his shaking manservant and put his hand on his shoulder, because he didn’t
dare to do more. “Merlin, what are you trying to say?”
Merlin shook his head slowly. “Arthur, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I just...
I wanted you for such a long time, and now... and I... can I go now?” He
wanted to turn away, but Arthur grabbed his arm and tried to say the right
thing, which wasn’t that easy because his brain was singing He wants me, He
wants me, He wants me at him, and it was hard to grab a coherent thought through
that. Finally, he managed a rather gently: “Look at me, Merlin, please” and
his manservant for once obeyed and reluctantly looked up. The prince was shocked
to see fear and despair in Merlin’s eyes and asked carefully: “Did you mean
that? Do you really want me?” He didn’t want to get his hopes up just yet.
Merlin closed his eyes and swallowed, then he seemed to let go and nodded. At
this moment, Arthur felt like dancing with joy, which he of course wouldn’t
have done even if this situation hadn’t been so serious. “But I know you
don’t want me, how could you? And I’m sorry I bothered you with this and
could you please let me go now?” Merlin went on and Arthur could only stare at
him disbelievingly for a second before he shook his head. “Merlin, you really
are stupid, aren’t you?” he asked incredulously and Merlin’s eyes flew
open in shock and fear, but before he could say anything, Arthur went on. “I
kissed you because I wanted to. I wanted to kiss you. It wasn’t just because
you were there – well, in a way, it was, but it was because it was you, it
couldn’t have been anyone else. And I wasn’t upset about Gwen, I was...”
He couldn’t believe he was about to say this, but since he was fairly certain
he wasn’t going to be rejected, he went on. “I was staring at you and
Morgana teased me about it, okay?” It wasn’t easy to admit, but here he was,
heart pounding in his chest, hoping he hadn’t gotten everything completely
wrong after all.
Merlin only stared at him with an expression Arthur couldn’t quite place and
after a while, he got nervous. “Uhm, say something?” Merlin blinked and then
a truly glorious, brilliant smile broke out on his face. “You really mean
this?” Finally, Arthur could smile himself and finally, he could touch Merlin
the way he wanted, and stroked his cheek before he pulled him in for a kiss. And
this time, Merlin didn’t run away, but reciprocated rather enthusiastically
and Arthur doubted he had ever felt this good in his entire life. 
 
The next days passed in a blissful haze. Whenever they could, they tried to
steal time together, which wasn’t that difficult after all, because no one
would suspect anything when Arthur and Merlin were in the prince’s chambers
alone.
Of course, Morgana noticed the changes in his mood and took him aside one day,
looking at him questioningly. Arthur nodded, grinning, and Morgana wanted to
congratulate him, but stopped herself and frowned. “You’re still not
completely happy”, she observed and Arthur sighed. Of course he wasn’t able
to keep that from her. “Well, it’s... it’s because it’s just sex, okay?
And knowing that he doesn’t feel the same, well, it hurts”, he explained
quietly, pulling a pained face because he couldn’t believe he had just said
that. Morgana looked contemplatively. “But do you know? That he doesn’t feel
the same, I mean?”
“Not for certain. But... how could I ever ask? This is already more than I
could ever hope for and I can’t expect more of him. No, I rather have him like
this than not at all.” Arthur was talking to the floor, so he missed Morgana
rolling her eyes. “You really are a bit stupid, aren’t you?” she sighed
and hugged him, then went away, leaving Arthur a little confused. 
The next morning, they went out for a hunt, and as usual, things didn’t go
quite according to plan and they were attacked by bandits.
Arthur had just finished off one of them and turned round to face the next when
he saw Merlin’s eyes flash golden and the bandit flying away and hitting a
tree.
Shocked at his stupidity, he stared at his manservant and Merlin stared back,
fear and guilt written plainly on his face.
Before Arthur could say or do anything, he heard one of the knights call:
“Sire, is everything alright?” and Merlin seemed to look even more
frightened at that.
“Fine! We best head back to Camelot, though!” Arthur called back and dragged
Marlin to the horses, muttering “Don’t say a word!”, but he was sure
Merlin was too scared at the moment to do that anyway.
Back in the prince’s chambers, he started: “Merlin, I really am
disappointed!” and his manservant flinched and looked like he wanted to say
something, but Arthur didn’t let him. “How could you be so stupid? What if
one of the knights had seen? How could I have defended you against my father
then?”
Merlin looked more confused the more Arthur said and finally settled for a: “I
don’t understand. You... you won’t tell the king, then?” He still looked
unsure and frightened and it hurt Arthur to see him doubt him. “Do you think I
want to see you executed?”
“I... no, but... he is your father, and it’s your duty to tell him, isn’t
it?” Merlin asked lowly and Arthur shook his head. “Well, I haven’t told
him yet and I’m certainly not planning to. If that was what I wanted, I could
have done it months ago” the prince stated matter-of-factly and Merlin nearly
fell off his chair at that. “You... you knew?” he stuttered and Arthur
grinned. “Of course, I knew. I’m not stupid, Merlin, and sometimes, you
really are careless. So I suspected it for some time, but I got proof in the
last days. You see, your eyes glow when you orgasm.”
Merlin went bright red at that and his mouth fell open. “Wha-what?”
Arthur was grinning even broader now. “I said, your eyes glow when you orgasm.
Well, I guess it’s a rather magical moment after all.” He was clearly
enjoying this, while Merlin grew more uncomfortable with the second.  “But why
didn’t you say something?”
“Well, I was hoping you would trust me enough to tell me yourself.” He
sighed and Merlin looked at the floor guiltily. “I’m sorry. I trust you, I
really do! I just... I couldn’t. I wanted to, but... Arthur, I’m sorry!”
The prince nodded. “I understand, I think.”
“I think I don’t. I mean, why didn’t you tell your father if you knew?
Sorcery is evil after all” Merlin asked and Arthur would have laughed if this
hadn’t been so serious. Instead, he went over to Merlin and pulled him from
his chair, taking his hands into his own. Looking straight into his eyes, he
explained seriously: “You are not evil, Merlin. Not you of all people. Even if
you hadn’t saved my life countless times – which you have, haven’t you?”
he added and Merlin nodded, grinning reluctantly. “I could never believe you
meant harm to me or Camelot. You could have killed me in my sleep or poisoned my
food or whatever, if you wanted me dead, even if you weren’t a sorcerer.”
Merlin was looking at him with something akin to awe in his eyes now and he was
smiling. “Thank you, Arthur. But still, it is the law...”
Arthur nodded. “Yes. But it is wrong. I trust you, Merlin, with everything I
have. Gods, do you really not see? I love you.”
When Merlin’s face went white with shock, Arthur belatedly realised what he
just had said. Gods, he had ruined everything again. “I’m sorry!” Letting
go of Merlin’s hands, he turned round and took a deep breath. Now, Merlin
would leave and everything he had hoped for was lost. But instead of hearing the
door, he felt a gentle touch in his shoulder. “Arthur? Really? Do... do you
mean that? I mean, in a not-just-friends way?”
Arthur cringed at that, but nodded nonetheless. He stood by his word, no matter
the consequences. The next thing he knew was Merlin in his arms. “Oh my God,
Arthur! I never even dared hope for this. But, oh my God! This is... wow!”
Merlin seemed a little confused and overwhelmed and Arthur wasn’t sure what to
make of this. It didn’t sound like a rejection, but he didn’t want to get
his hopes up just yet. Slowly, he disentangled himself from Merlin and looked at
him questioningly. “What are you trying to say?”
Merlin blinked. “You really don’t know? Arthur, I love you too. Have for a
long time, really!” 
At that, it was Arthur’s turn to be a little overwhelmed, but when he finally
grasped that this was indeed real, he smiled brilliantly and pulled Merlin in
for a passionate kiss.

Below Camelot, the great dragon was growling in his cave. “This is not what I
meant!” he grumbled, but he would have to get used to the thought because
really, you can’t stop the course of destiny.

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